


Of Trees and Tents

by holtzbabe



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Forest Gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 06:12:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13944774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzbabe/pseuds/holtzbabe
Summary: Listen, Holtz didn’t mean to get lost in the woods.These sort of things just happen to her. Her whole life has essentially been a series of probably-avoidable-but-still-not-really-her-fault adventures. That’s how she sees ’em—adventures.Erin doesn’t agree.





	Of Trees and Tents

**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue, guys.

Listen, Holtz didn’t _mean_ to get lost in the woods.

These sort of things just happen to her. Her whole life has essentially been a series of probably-avoidable-but-still-not-really-her-fault adventures. That’s how she sees ’em—adventures.

Erin doesn’t agree.

“I _told_ you we needed a map,” Erin says. She’s sitting on a log. She slaps at a mosquito and glares at Holtz. “This is your fault.”

“I understand that you are upset, but I do believe that is just a titch unfair. Was it _I_ who accepted the assignment to investigate a possibly-haunted forest?”

“Yes. You insisted on it.”

Holtz ignores her. “Was it I who suggested we split into pairs to cover more ground?”

“ _Yes_ , and you were adamant about going with me. Thanks _so_ much for that, Holtzmann.”

Well, yeah. Erin is wearing the cutest little cargo capris and fresh-out-of-the-box hiking boots, a bandana carefully knotted around her ponytailed hair. Could you really blame Holtz?

“Granted. But was it really I who got us lost?”

Erin lists on her fingers. “You refused to bring a map. You took us off the marked path—”

“No explorers take marked paths, Erin.”

“We’re scientists, not explorers.”

“No scientists take marked paths, Erin.”

“Shut up, Holtzmann, just shut up. Now we’re lost in the woods, out of cell range, and our radio is broken. _That_ is your fault.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny my part in the destruction of our communicative device.”

“You threw our radio at a tree, Holtz.”

“I thought I saw a bear.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“I was just trying to be chivalrous and save our asses from a bear attack. You can thank me later. I will accept skywriting as a formal written apology.”

“Can you _please_ be serious for half a minute? We are _lost_. Nobody knows where we are. We can’t tell anyone where we are. We’re screwed, Holtz.”

“Abby and Patty know where we are, generally speaking.”

“It’s a big forest.”

“I’ll give you that.”

“What are we going to do?”

“It’s okay, Erin, I’ve watched _Survivor_. Now, first thing’s first, we need to build shelter. How strong of a weaver are you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Forget it. Weaving takes too long. We need to conserve our energy.” Holtz claps her hands together. “Let’s assess our resources. I have a whistle.”

“What do—”

Holtz pulls the whistle off the carabiner on her belt and blows on it, hard. Erin covers her ears. Holtz stops.

“That’s so lou—”

Holtz blows on the whistle again.

“Holtz, can you—”

Blow.

“Holtz—”

Blow.

“ _Holtzmann_.”

“I’m just doing my duty to alert our rescuers of our location.”

“Thanks,” Erin mutters.

“Alright, now to get down to business—survival. Thoughts?”

“I—”

“Do you still have that Swiss Army knife I gifted you? It may just save our lives today.”

“For Christ’s sake, Holtz.”

“Since I’m the braver of the two of us, I will be the one who hunts for food. I can take down a deer, no problem.”

“You threw a radio at a tree because you thought it was a bear.”

Holtz steps in front of Erin and bends to grasp her by the shoulders. “Erin, listen to me. We are going to get through this. We have the tools and we have the gumption. We _will_ persist.”

“Could you tone down the drama?”

Holtz licks her finger and holds it to the wind. “Ah, as I suspected.”

“What?”

“We’re lost in the woods.”

Erin drops her head into her hands. “We’re going to die out here,” she groans.

They’re really not.

Holtz drops into a crouch and looks left and right before leaning in and beckoning for Erin to come closer.

“You know,” she whispers, “we’ll be warmer if we take off all our clothes. Shared body heat—it’s the only way we’ll make it through.”

Erin doesn’t even blink. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”

That gets Holtz to break. Erin never swears. She grins. “What? It’s a real thing.”

“It’s 80 degrees out, Holtz. I don’t _think_ freezing to death is in the cards. My clothes are staying on, thank you very much.”

“Ain’t that the worst luck for me,” Holtz says. She pops up and cracks her knuckles. “So, you wanna hear how I’m gonna save our skins and get us rescued?”

“Enlighten me, please.” Erin’s chest is red, possibly from Holtz’s smooth remark and possibly just a Sunlight Special.

“Ask me what I’ve got in my bag.”

“Ghostbusting equipment,” Erin says dryly. “Useful, surely, for when I die out here and come back to haunt you for getting us into this mess.”

Holtz holds up a finger. “If you’re going to sass me, I’ll wait. I can think of worse ways to spend a Thursday afternoon than lost in a forest with a beautiful coworker. It might be in Holtzy’s best interest to draw this out, hm?”

Erin stands up from her stump. “I’m over this. I’m going to go look for the path.”

“Haven’t you ever watched a movie? Splitting up is the worst plan ever. So is leaving. Survival 101—if you’re lost, stay put and wait for help.”

Erin looks at her. “That’s the only reasonable thing you’ve said since we got lost.”

“Oh, please. You haven’t even heard my plan.”

“I _tried_ and you decided you were going to be a brat.”

Holtz swings her bag off her shoulder and sets it in the dirt. She whistles as she unzips it—Beethoven’s _9 Variations on a March by Dressler_ —and finds what she’s looking for in a matter of seconds. She tosses it in the air and catches it again while offering Erin her best I-told-you-so smirk.

“Proton grenade,” Erin says. “Ah, yes, how could I have been so foolish? That’s sure to save us.”

“And you say _I’m_ being dramatic.” Holtz waves the grenade at Erin. “Hellooo, distress flare, anyone?”

Erin stares at her.

Holtz taps the grenade against her chin contemplatively. “You know, we should go camping sometime. I make a wicked smore.”

“Alright,” Erin says finally. “If you can use _that_ to get us rescued, I’ll go camping with you. Why the hell not.”

Holtz gives her a twisted grin and sets the grenade. “That’s a challenge if I ever heard one. Watch and learn, Erin m’dear. You better start readying your camping pants.”

“These are my camping pants.”

Holtz raises an eyebrow. “Excellent,” she says, and throws the grenade straight up as hard as she can.

It explodes in a bang of purple and red smoke above them. Holtz crosses her arms confidently.

Erin huffs and sits back down on her log. Holtz grabs a stick and joins her. She traces her trademarked radiation symbol in the dirt with the end of the stick. Erin watches her. She watches Erin watching her.

“I’m sorry I got us lost in the woods,” Holtz says.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Erin says with a sigh, which is classic Erin. She doesn’t hold onto her anger for long once she’s gotten it out.

“Nah, it pretty much was,” Holtz says.

Erin takes the stick from her and draws something that resembles a deflated cat-giraffe. “If I was going to get lost in the woods with anyone, I’m glad it was you.”

“Really?”

The corner of Erin’s mouth ticks up. “Simple process of elimination. Kevin would be a write-off, Abby would be yelling at everything in an extremely unhelpful way, and Patty would be screaming if so much as a butterfly came close to her.”

Holtz chuckles. “Patty would come up with a practical solution in minutes, though.”

“You came up with a practical solution.”

“I came up with an unorthodox solution. Patty would have never broken the radio to begin with.”

“True.”

They sit quietly. Some branches and leaves rustle and snap somewhere nearby. Probably a bear, with their luck.

“Would you actually go camping with me?”

Erin glances at her. “If we make it out of here? Yeah, I would.”

“Really?”

“Sure. At a campground, though. Not in the woods. I’m not doing this again.”

Holtz laughs lightly. “Deal. I’ll bring my best tent.”

“You have more than one?”

“Six-and-a-half.”

“Who needs that many tents?”

“You never know when a situation calls for a tent.”

“I…don’t think that’s true.”

“No? Come on, any situation could get _in-tents_ fast.”

That produces a real laugh from Erin.

Holtz grins at the ground and scuffs a heart into the dirt with her toe.

“I wouldn’t have taken you as an outdoorsy type,” Erin says.

“I know my way around a campfire.”

“Something about that statement concerns me given your pyromaniac tendencies.”

“Love me a good fire,” Holtz jovially agrees.

Erin checks her watch. “How long do you think it’ll take for someone to find us?”

“Minutes…hours…days, maybe.”

Erin shoves her.

“Nah, I have no clue. I have a few more grenades, though. If nobody comes, we can try again.”

“Are you really not scared at _all_ about the possibility of nobody finding us?”

“Like I said, I can think of worse things in life than being lost with you.”

“You said ‘than being lost with a beautiful coworker.’”

“You _are_ a beautiful coworker.”

This time, Holtz can be sure it’s a Class A blush on Erin’s cheeks, not just sunburn.

“I’m sure you’d rather be lost with Abby or Patty. I haven’t done anything but complain this whole time.”

“Oh, no, you’re my top pick, Gilbert. Now and always. You’re pretty much guaranteed to make any situation better.”

Erin wrings her hands. “I’m sorry for blaming you for all this. Thanks for staying calm.”

“And being a pain in the ass?”

“That too.”

Holtz slings an arm around her shoulders. “Love ya, Gilbert.”

Erin opens her mouth like she’s going to say something but is cut off by something behind them bursting through the brush. The two of them scream and jump up from the log, the stick falling to the forest floor.

“Stop screaming!” Patty shouts at them.

Erin clutches her chest. “You guys gave me a heart attack!”

“What happened to your radio?” Abby says. “We’ve been trying to get through for the past hour.”

They glance at each other.

“I accidentally dropped it and it broke,” Erin says quickly.

“Way to go,” Abby says.

“We saw the grenade and thought maybe you found an entity,” Patty says.

“Nah, that was a plain ole distress signal,” Holtz says. “Way to answer the call, ladies.”

“What do you mean, distress signal?” Abby says.

“We’re lost?” Erin says. “We had no way to call you? Holtz had the brilliant idea to use a proton grenade as a flare.”

“You’re joking, right?” Patty says. “The parking lot is, like, a hundred feet in that direction.” She points in the direction they just appeared from.

Holtz plants her hands on her hips. “Huh. Well, I, for one, find that comically ironic. Erin?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Erin says.

Holtz claps her on the back. “Congrats, kid, you just survived your first time being just-slightly-to-the-north-of-the-parking-lot. I don’t know about you, but I think Netflix should produce a documentary on our inspiring story.”

Erin covers her face with her hands. “Hey, guys, do me a favour? Next time we get called to investigate a haunted forest, remind me to split off with someone who’s _not_ her, alright?”

Holtz just grins. She doesn’t mean it, obviously.

“So,” she says exuberantly as she shoulders her bag again. “When should we go camping?”

 

 


End file.
